Life According to Mel

My best friend of the past 13 years is Mel. She has been my confidant, my rock, my support group, my therapist, my barrel of laughs, and also my cast mate on many tours and road trips.

I am an honorary member of her family.

And today I offer a few glimpses into The World: According to Mel.

Me: (Someone we know) is going to the doctor's to be checked out by Dr. House. (Meaning our friend was going to be seen by a super-duper awesome diagnoser. I also know there is no such word as Diagnoser. )

Mel: That is great. She deserves a great doctor like House. And while we're on the subject, House is foxy. Almost as Foxy as Will Ferrell.

Me: Yeah, okay, I see the attraction of genius, I guess. And I see the attraction to funny-men. I, personally, had a thing for Conan O'Brien in the year 2000. (And by that I actually mean the year, not the comedic bit known by the same name.) You LOVE Will Ferrell. You LOVE him.

Mel: Will Ferrell is foxy, but he's still no David Letterman. (I laugh because she means this. She absolutely means every word of this.) People say they're aghast that David Letterman had an affair, but c'mon. Look at him! He's DAVID LETTERMAN! (At this point, I cannot breathe. I am laughing too hard.)

Me: "Look at him, he's DAVID LETTERMAN"! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!! Bret Michaels I could imagine. . .but you say DAVID LETTERMAN like he's Tom Cruise or Jude Law or Justin Timberlake or something. Or someone who's even mildly attractive. . .

Mel: And speaking of Will Ferrell, by the way, I was thinking that if Ben Roethlisberger had a movie made about him, Will Ferrell should play him.

Me: I WAS THINKING THAT, TOO! I am always thinking that!!!

Mel: (My husband) laughed when I mentioned it to him. Ben's in his twenties and Will Ferrell's in his forties. . .

Me: I don't care! It would be too funny!!!

Mel: I KNOW!

Let me also mention that Mel has three kids.

Mel: (Changing the subject) I like to shop at Giant Eagle. Because 1. They have an Eagle's Nest, and 2. They have a Starbucks. The older kids can play and the baby can just ride in the cart, and I get a Starbucks and it's great.

Me: The World According to Mel: Number One. David Letterman is a Sexy Beast, (only second to Will Ferrell). Number Two. Shop at Giant Eagle. They have an Eagles Nest and a Starbucks. Did you happen to notice you didn't mention that Giant Eagle is an excellent store for groceries?

Mel: Well, I hate shopping for groceries. You know that!

Me: I just find it funny that your two main reason to go to Giant Eagle have nothing to do with buying groceries.

Mel: Well. . .

And there we have it ladies and gents. The World, (so far), According to Mel.

The End